Monday, March 10th, 2014 was the day that rocked my entire world. My Godmother was found unconscious just next door from my apartment. In complete shock, I began beating on her chest and crying out for her to come back to me. Luckily, I revived her and the ambulance was on the way to take her to the hospital. By the time she got to the hospital there was no brain activity. For my own selfish reasons, I left her on machines for the next 5 days. The first night she came to my dreams, I laid my head on her lap + she ran her fingers through my hair. The second night, clear as day she said ” why am I still here? and I replied because I love you Godma, you need to come back to me. Next day (Wednesday) I got up and got a cup of coffee, I chuckled to myself as I heard the words “I like my coffee just like I like my men, dark + sweet.” Every day I visited her while my kiddos were in school and then I would bring them out to the hospital with me just incased I missed her waking up. Her brain waves would spike and I would get my hopes up this went on until Saturday, March 15th, 2014. Finally my pappy pulled me aside and said “there’s nothing more that they can do for her munchkin. Do you want to donate her organs?” Those words left a gapping whole in my chest. Well of course, can I get a little time with her before we let her go, I said. That was the last time I would see her face.
My Godmother was the most genuine human on the planet. She would feed you even if she only had food to feed herself. She would shelter you even if you were a drug addict. To her, to Carol Lynn Vandeworp “Fisher” you were family.
She showed me what unconditional love meant, no matter what anyone does to you, no matter the harm, you love them. One of the last conversations we had, she told me “Tash, love your mama… one day she’s going to need it.” I’ve been loving my mama every day since those words were said.
Every year on her birthday, my kiddos and I would do something special for her. Photoshoots in green shirts, or send off green balloons with letters attached. Later in the evening, I would always end the night with her favorite song “It’s your love” by Tim McGraw + Faith Hill, followed by “Crying for me” by Toby Keith. Those two songs would allow my emotions feel relevant. My emotions have been all over the place the last few years because all I want to do is talk to her, take care of her + dammnit have her run her fingers through my hair when I have a bad day.
This year, I needed some peace of mind. I needed to allow my emotions of losing her + not being able to save her life be shown outward. For two months I planned every detail of my memorial session for her. The song lyrics to her favorite song, the location being close to Trout Run. Trout Run is where her family is from, and her favorite flowers (King Proteas). The model I chose was a past client turned friend. She resembles my Godmother and that was huge for me. Her tattoos , her hair, + the way she carries her heart outward. These images speak my emotions + how I have been feeling the past 6 years. Enjoy!
Dress| Reclamation + More ; traveling dresses by Tiffany Ballew
Flowers | Everyone Deserves Flowers + AB Blossom too
Location | Rider Park
Model |Drusilla Heller